Can people change?

Can people change?

I asked this question of a psychoanalyst friend, one in the tradition of Sigmund Freud. This friend even has a couch on which his patients can (if they choose) lie prostrate. I figured that he would know better than anyone else.

Can people change?

He paused.

He prefaced by saying, “Of course I should think so, otherwise I would be out of a job, right?”

He paused again.

And then he said, “No.”

Our conversation meandered from there and touched on other things, during which I learned that children can be psychoanalyzed as well. Then I had to ask, “At what age do you think children can no longer change?”

He smiled.

And paused.

And then said, “I am going to go back and change my answer. Yes, people can change.”

YES! We got to yes.

If people truly can’t change, in such a world, there is no room for personal growth. Even if my inner core is fixed, my outer habits, the manifestation of my core, are not. Don’t our actions at least partly reflect our insides?
If people can’t change, any weaknesses (and strengths) are fixed. If children are people, their weaknesses (and strengths) are fixed. This is in direct opposition to the concept of a growth mindset, popularized by Carol Dweck, which is the belief that abilities are adaptable. The growth mindset can be applied to skills like mathematics and sports. But the same concept applies to our inner thoughts and habits. And you and I can change.